Everyone enjoys a good joke, a gentle ribbing, a harmless prank.  But, my goodness:  enough is enough!

Every day I scan the headlines and there's another story about dead birds, fish, and even crabs.  I mean, who's running this planet?  Is it Mother Nature or M. Night Shyamalan?  Here's a partial list of events that have occurred over the past two weeks.

12/30/10:  100,000 fish wash up along the Arkansas River
12/30/10:  100 tons of dead fish, sardines, catfish wash up in Rio De Janerio
12/31/10:  1000s of dead red wing black birds found in Arkansas

1/1/11:  100s of dead birds in Kentucky
1/4/11:  500 dead red wing black birds found in Louisiana
1/4/11:  100s of dead fish wash ashore in Ontario

1/4/11:  1000s of dead fish found in a creek in Florida
1/5/11:  2 million dead fish found in the Chesapeake Bay
1/5/11:  200 dead birds found in Texas

1/5/11:  150 dead birds found in Tennessee (at what other time would this seem like a small number?)
1/5/11:  100 dead crows found on the street in Sweden
1/5/11:  40,000 dead crabs washed ashore in England

1/5/11:  100s of red snapper found dead in New Zealand
1/6/11:  1000s of gizzard shad (a 4" long fish) found dead in Lake Michigan near Chicago
1/8/11:  Dozens of starlings (birds) were found dead in Romania

Check out a map of these events here.  Theories abound including everything from fireworks to sonic booms to some kind of virus.  But the best explanation I've heard is regarding the starlings that were found dead in Romania.  They say that the birds drank themselves to death.  Apparently the villagers in one town forgot to clean up after their annual wine-making event.  The birds ate the leftover grapes, and their drinking binge went a-fowl.  I guess this is the story you get when you combine Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath with Richard Bach's Jonathan Livingston Seagull.  Maybe they should call it The Grapes of Wrath and Destruction!

That's right! Back in August of 2009, I posted a Note here titled "Who Said That, And Why?" stating that I had just learned Michael Douglas was the announcer for NBC Nightly News.  I commented:

"what about all the other actors and voiceover people out there who have great voices but are desperate for work?  Michael Douglas took a potential job away from someone who needed it more, and probably deserved it more."

And now the truth has become reality.  In just a few days, the Ted Williams story has become such an amazing set of circumstances that every media outlet in the country can't wait to get their hands on him.  Now, this man that was homeless on Monday has more job offers than he can keep track of on Thursday.  And as if the story couldn't get any more perfect, today he met his 90 year old mother for the first time in twenty years!

 Here are just some of the job offers he's had:

• Cleveland Cavaliers arena announcer:  a salary and a house
• Ohio Credit Union League:  already gave him $10,000 cash with more to come
• ESPN
• MTV reality series
• Hilo, Hawaii will give him a vacation there for him to do voiceover work for them
• The Simpsons are interested in using his voice
• Entertainment Tonight has expressed interest

Also, with Robert Gibbs' announcement today that he will retire from his position as Press Secretary, the White House has expressed interest in offering this high-profile job to Ted Williams.  OK, I made that one up.  Incidentally, am I the only one who thinks Ted Williams slightly resembles President Obama?  Surely I'm not the only one!

 With all these interviews, talk shows, radio and TV gigs, and other appearances, he had better be careful not to get laryngitis!  Man, wouldn't that be the pits.  Somebody by him a pack of lozenges, please!  America's new national hero is just one head cold away from ruining our feel good story of the year.

Today, a new year is upon us.  It's a time to reflect on where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. 

It's a time to take stock of all the wonderful things we have in life, and to finally clean out the refrigerator and throw away that bean dip left over from our July 4th picnic.  Ahhh, that was some picnic, too.  It isn't every year when uncle Harold decides to go skinny dipping in the park's city pool.  Well, let's be honest, he wasn't exactly skinny dipping -- he was still wearing his black socks.  Isn't life precious?!

It's a time to appreciate all the freedoms we enjoy in this great country, unless you're a Hilton, a Spears, or a Lohan in which case you've enjoyed your freedoms a bit too much.  They enjoyed their freedoms so much that now they don't have as many as they used to.  Of course, the rest of us rarely have the freedom to say "I'm sorry, Your Honor," and have it recorded by a court stenographer.

It's a time to follow our dreams and let them take us to new places.  My dream is to have my very own Holodeck where I can stroll the streets of Tatooine with my friend Luke or explore ancient ruins with college history professor Dr. Jones.  What, too far fetched?  OK, maybe I should set my sites on something more realistic like having Scarlett Johansson call me on the phone -- just to say, "Hi".  She's single now!  (Scarlett, my number's in the book.)

It's a time to make resolutions for things we want to change in our lives.  For many environmentalists, that means conserving water by showering less and using more deodorant.  For the risk-takers among us, that means being more polite to the policeman that pulled us over for speeding by asking him if he knows where we can find a good jelly doughnut. 

Happy New Year, America! 

This morning I received an unexpected gift from an unexpected gift giver.

The good people over at Google Maps have uploaded a new image of my house.  This was completely unexpected, and I didn't even have a gift to give to them to reciprocate the kind gesture.

I was doing a random Google Map search of my neighborhood online (don't we all do this?) and expected to see the same aerial picture I've seen for six years.  I'm used to seeing several vacant lots where there are now houses, and just grass where there is now landscaping.  What a pleasant surprise to see things as they really are!

Thanks, Google.  Maybe next Christmas I'll have a gift for you.  But I'm not sure what that gift might be.  I mean, what do you get for the friend who has -- and knows -- everything?

Normally I ignore commercials on TV.  But every now and then I'll see one that intrigues me.  Or, in this case, it's a whole series of commercials.

The Hyundai commercials feature a little-known group called Pomplamoose performing popular Christmas songs.  The duo of Nataly Dawn and Jack Conte teamed up in 2008 to form the group, and now these commercials are giving them national exposure.

Aside from just sounding good, what makes them special is that they create what they call "Video Songs".  The video shows them singing and playing every instrument you hear throughout the song.  And they play all their own instruments.  As they say on their website, "What you see is what you hear".  There's no lip-syncing for voice or instruments.  It gives their music a more authentic and natural sound.

Now every time I hear one of these commercials -- which seems to be quite often -- I have to stop and pay attention to all the instruments they play.  It really is a creative way to make a video and to showcase their talents.  They have lots of stuff on their YouTube channel.  I can't get these commercials out of my head!  "Deck the halls with bells of holly ...."

WAIT!!!  That's not right.  I just googled the lyrics to this Christmas song and discovered that I've been wrong all these years!  It's not "bells of holly" or even "balls of holly".  It's "boughs of holly".  Who knew?  What is a "bough of holly" anyway?  I guess it's a ribbon and "bow" tied around some holly leaves?

WAIT!!! WAIT!!!  I'm wrong again.  (Google is a wonderful thing.)  A "bough" is a main branch of a tree.  So the song is talking about hanging larger holly tree branches around the house -- not just some small twigs and leaves.  Incidentally, the word "bough" is part of the nursery rhyme Rockabye Baby.  While I always thought the song went "when the bow breaks" (pronounced like a dog says bow-wow), it is actually "when the bough breaks".

I'll stop there.  That's enough knowledge for one night.

It's been a while since I last discussed my progress to reduce energy use, and I'm happy to report that the news is still very good.

Over the past four consecutive months, my power usage has set a new record low for the month.  Below is a portion of a graph showing my power usage over the last six years.  The blue line is for 2010, and notice that it is clearly lower than the lines for the previous five years.


What does this mean?  This means money in my pocket.  On average, during these four months, I used 71% as much power as I did over the previous five years.  The table below shows how this translates into monthly savings ranging from $18 to $34.



In just four months I saved $101 compared to the previous five years.  This wouldn't be very impressive if we had had an unusually cool summer and a mild winter, but this wasn't the case.  August averaged 2.0 degrees above normal, and November averaged 1.4 degrees below normal.  These temperature variances would typically cause someone to run the AC/Heat more than normal, making the power bill higher, but I realized a savings in spite of that fact.

How did I do it?  Not by sweating in August and freezing in November.  I haven't made any changes that lower my comfort level at home.  As I've stated in earlier posts, I've made several small changes that have added up to $101 in four months, or perhaps $300 over the course of a year.

• Replace all incandescent bulbs with CFLs.  (I might have spent $60 on bulbs, and they've already paid for themselves.  And I keep saving month after month.)
  
• Use a programmable thermostat.
• Adjust water heater temperature to only what is needed (around 125 degrees).
• Insulate around the inlet and outlet of the water heater to minimize heat loss.
• Use cold water detergent to wash clothes.  (Consumer Reports rates Tide for Cold Water as the #1 detergent.)
• Set the dishwasher to "Air Dry" instead of "Heat Dry"  (Unless you need to use the dishes right away, they'll dry eventually.  Let them dry for free.)
• Unplug most phantom power users when not in use.  (Why keep the computer plugged in when it's not being used? If the transformer is hot, then you're paying for it.)

That's all there is to it!  Every four months I cash in an extra $100.  I'm looking forward to this coming March when I can welcome another Franklin into my wallet.  Bienvenidos, Mr. Franklin!

Yesterday the new North Carolina law went into effect that makes it illegal to use a license plate frame that hides the expiration date, the numbers, or the state name.  Violators will face a $100 fine.

While I was on the road today I counted how many blatant license plate criminals there were.  Surprisingly, the first three cars I saw all had illegal frames that blocked the state name.  Of 13 cars that I saw, 5 of them were in violation.

I wonder how many police will actually write tickets for a violation.  For a year or two, most people will use the excuse (honestly or not) that they didn't know it was illegal.  But if they did start writing tickets, and the fines were held up in court, this could be a huge moneymaker for the state, at least temporarily until all the frames start to disappear.

I suppose this law even applies to NC State Sen. Malcolm Graham of Mecklenburg Co.  The picture above is of the license plate on his own car.

What do we really know about Christopher Columbus?  Some of the things we think we know aren't necessarily supported by the facts.

I'm reading a fictional book that happens to include a subplot that relates to the voyages of Columbus.  I started wondering how much of the story was true, and what was just made up.  I spent about an hour and a half reading online about the life of the world-famous explorer.


He sailed on four voyages to the New World between 1492 and 1502, and with each one he spent more and more time away from home.  It only took five weeks to make the journey, but on his last trip he stayed over here for over a year.  I may not have all my facts exactly right here, but he lived the rest of his life (he died in 1505) thinking that he had found a new trade route to India.  From what I read, he never presented any evidence to Ferdinand and Isabella of Indian/Asian culture and I wonder if they became frustrated that this guy was spending all his time exploring, but didn't have any exotic spices to show for it.  He promised gold, but he never found any of that either.

Columbus was a stubborn man.  It seems like when he got an idea in his head, he never considered that he might be wrong.  Not only had he not landed where he thought he had, on his first day there, he wrote that the natives were inferior and ignorant.  He wrote, "I could conquer the whole of them with 50 men, and govern them as I pleased."  In fact, the natives were more advanced than he gave them credit for.  The Aztecs and Mayans built sophisticated cities with large temples that demonstrated their knowledge of the stars.  However, Columbus didn't hesitate to use them as slaves, torture them, and even take a few of them back to Europe.

He thought of himself, too.  Before he left, he demanded the title of "Admiral of the Ocean Sea", governor of all newfound land, 10% of the revenues from the land forever, and the option to buy a 1/8 portion of any new business ventures.  He wanted all this, and was still dependent on the King and Queen to supply his ships to get there.  During the years following his voyages, his crewman relayed many stories of his demanding, uncompromising character.  He tortured and killed some of his men who disobeyed him, and he doesn't seem to have had a wide range of friends.  In fact, he was imprisoned as he returned from his third voyage, due to crew members complaining about how Columbus and his two brothers had greatly mismanaged the new settlements.  They spent six weeks in captivity before being released.

All in all, Christopher Columbus probably had some issues with his social skills.  He had a dream and a vision, and he never took "no" for an answer.  His obsession with trying to find passage further west (no, the Panama Canal hadn't been built yet), led some to think he was crazy and a mad man.  If he had been a better manager and earned the support of his crew, we might be living in Columbia today instead of in America.  Also, his refusal to accept that this was NOT Asia, meant that the naming rights would go to someone more openminded named Amerigo Vespucci.  The first known map with the name "America" appeared in 1507.

But I don't feel too sorry for Mr. C.  He had at least one country, a Canadian province, several large cities, and many other towns and counties name for him.  And don't forget a national holiday!  Not bad for a domineering socially-challenged man who died of complications from Arthritis.

The twin barrel machine guns on the AX-58 Air Force fighter jet perforated the shell of the enemy plane flying just 500 yards away.  In a matter of seconds, one of its engines exploded, sending the plane careening toward the ground in a slow spiral.  PIlot Richard Dalton would be able to tally another hit on his log sheet when he landed later in the evening.

Capt. Dalton had always loved flying, and from an early age knew that he would be a pilot one day.  That day came sooner rather than later.  When the Air Force began recruiting pilots for an as-yet undisclosed clandestine mission, he was in his first year at the Academy.  Even though the job description clearly stated that applicants must be in at least their second year, it didn't stop the young pilot from applying.  While he was of course denied the position, the officers were impressed with his tenacity and determination.  The following year he was accepted.

Now three years into the position and fully aware of the mission objectives, Dalton wrestled with the morality of it.  Was he doing the right thing?  Ever since scientists discovered that it was possible to affect the global climate, several nations had debated, argued, and fought about how this new-found technology should be utilized.  The technique involved using huge cargo planes to spread silica dust -- not very different from common beach sand that had been processed through a filter and pulverized -- throughout the skies at a calculated altitude and latitude.  These fine particles would reflect the suns rays, cool the air, and eventually alter the course of the jet stream.

While the American population continued the 40-year-long debate on global warming that had begun back in the 1990s, the U.S. Congress had passed a well-intentioned bill to control global temperatures to avert any future disasters that might be caused by rising temperatures.  The thinking was that whether or not global warming was real or merely perceived, America would be prepared by having some amount of control over the climate.

The problems began when foreign nations learned of what the U.S. was doing.  While decreasing the average temperature in Phoenix by two degrees opened up vast amounts of land to agriculture for the first time, the same two degree drop would make parts of Russia nearly uninhabitable.  Needless to say, the Russians did not appreciate this.  Other countries had similar feelings, and still others made attempts to control temperatures of their own countries.  These competing strategies from various nations could not coexist. 

Capt. Dalton was part of the protective guard that accompanied the flights of the cargo planes that carried and dispersed the silica dust.  Each cargo plane would be surrounded by four AX-58 fighter jets, of which Capt. Dalton was the mission leader.  Because of the extreme elevation and distance required for each mission, a round trip took between six and ten hours.  The Air Force flew over 200 of these missions each day, and Dalton usually flew six mission every week.  This week he had shot down three enemy Russian planes that were attempting to destroy the cargo plane -- and it was only Thursday.  Spending that much time alone in the cockpit provided a lot of time for a man to think.

To be continued.

It's Election Eve and we've all had about enough of the political ads from the candidates.  So, let's talk about a race that isn't even happening now!  Will Sarah Palin run for president?

I say yes.  But before I go further, I should say that I'm making an effort not to include my personal feelings toward the question.  I'm making a prediction, not stating whether I think she should or should not run.

I think Sarah Palin will run for president because she has nothing to lose.  As a result of being on the 2008 presidential ticket, she is one of the most popular personalities in the world of politics.  If nothing else, running in 2012 will serve to continue her celebrity status.  And not just that, but being a celebrity of any kind means making lots of money.  With book deals, reality TV shows, and pundit duties on the cable news shows, the money continues to roll in.

If she does run, there's no way she would win because she's too polarizing.  People either love her or hate her, and while this is not unusual for politicians, she seems to be more polarizing than most.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing because I don't think she would want to win.  When she resigned as Governor of Alaska a year and a half early, she demonstrated that her heart just wasn't in it.  She didn't have that drive to use her talents for the betterment of the state of Alaska.  I think she found that role too restrictive, and instead preferred the freedom of saying what she wanted without the burden of public office.  Winning the presidency would only serve as another restriction.

She's really in the perfect situation.  She'll run to maintain and enhance her celebrity status.  She'll gladly lose so she won't be restricted by public office.  And if she needed one more reason not to win, it's money.  She'll make a lot more money as a pundit, author, and celebrity than she could ever make as president.

Wondering about the picture?  It's an image from The Office where they participated in a Fun Run to raise money.  Get it?