No More Number Two
The world is facing a serious crisis. The government doesn't have a solution, and as it turns out, evidence suggests that the government is actually responsible for creating this terrible dilemma facing each and every one of us -- especially all the little children.Of course I'm talking about the impending shortage of helium, element #2 in the Periodic Table. The gas that gives flight to balloons of all shapes and sizes is expected to run out in 25 years. Why now? Apparently, during the Cold War, the US stockpiled huge amounts of helium to be used for rockets and missiles aimed at the Soviet Union and other bad guys. This storage facility continued to grow until it held over half the world's supply. Then, in 1996 Congress decided we shouldn't be in the helium storage business any longer and that we should sell all our helium at any cost. The goal was to sell exactly 5% every year until it was all gone in 2015.
This caused a surplus in the helium market and prices plunged to the point that helium was so cheap that no one tried to recycle it, contain it, or use it sparingly. Party balloons became so cheap that they were being used to move entire houses. Oh, how vain!
Today, as the Federal helium reserve north of Amarillo, TX, is nearly empty, the world's helium supply is nearly gone. Why can't we just get more of it? As it turns out, helium is obtained as a bi-product of natural gas extraction. It is formed over millions and billions of years as rock decays. Once we've used up all we have, I suppose we'll have to wait another billion years for another rock to decay. I hope somebody's got a deck of cards, because we're going to be waiting for a long long time.
Lots of important stuff uses helium like MRI scanners, blimps, rockets, and other scientific gadgets. In another 25 years, Snoopy won't be able to fly over Sunday Night Football games any more. He'll just have to buy a ticket like everyone else. His days of privilege are nearly over, and he'll soon be just like the rest of us: stuck on the ground and surrounded by only nitrogen, oxygen, 1% argon, and 0.03% other assorted gases and dust particles.
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