"Uh, it looks like the backstroke, sir."

They say flies only live three days, but I beg to differ. I don't know how this rule came to be, but I have empirical evidence to the contrary. This time of year it seems that flies are conspiring on a plan of attack for invading our homes. They've waited all winter for this opportunity, spent all spring on coming up with a strategy, and then put the plan into motion throughout the summer. This plan works very well, and it seems to be quite simple.

What they do is simply sit on the outside of the door. They know that eventually you'll have to leave to go somewhere, even if it's just to check the mail. And when you open that door, they're ready to sneak inside without you even noticing. But later that evening, you do notice. You may be watching TV, eating supper, or maybe brushing your teeth when you hear that annoying buzz sound only inches away from your ear. Serenity Now!!!

If in fact flies do only live an average of three days, then there's an obvious reason why they invade my house. It's because they know they can double their lifespan by feasting on the sweet nectars of whatever I have inside. But what do they eat? If they were only in the kitchen, I'd understand; but they don't limit themselves to that room. And, why are they here? I mean, if they only live three days -- or six if they partake in the comforts of my home -- what have they really achieved in their little lives? Wouldn't they be much happier in a cow pasture somewhere? Don't they thrive in the heat and humidity?

I can't end this without including at least a few facts, and where else to turn than to Wikipedia. The article on houseflies says that they live approximately 15 to 25 days. Ah ha! So they DO live more than three days. Also, did you know that they eat only liquids? Yep, if they land on a food source that is solid, they spit on it, let the spit enzymes pre-digest it, and then they suck it back in. Hmm, that reminds me of someone I knew in college, but I'll save that for another story.