The other day I was watching a Looney Tunes cartoon featuring Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam. Until I stopped to think about it, I never realized just how cruel some of Bugs' pranks and scams were. In this performance, Bugs Bunny was being chased by Yosemite Sam until Bugs hides behind a corner and puts on a girl wig just before Yosemite passes by. Yosemite sees him (uh, her) and is instantly smitten. (It's amazing how fetching Bugs Bunny was in a girl wig, because Elmer Fudd could be fooled just as easily!) Five seconds later, Bugs (in his wig) and Yosemite are in holy matrimony.

Next thing you know, back at home, Bugs and Yosemite are sitting on the sofa when Bugs starts his antics. "Oh, Sam, could you go upstairs and get my bedroom shoes?" Sam answered in a gruff, but sweet voice, "Yes, dear. I'll be right back." As he prances up the stairs, you hear the trademark staccato progression of notes from the orchestral strings section perfectly in sinc with his steps. A moment later, you see him coming back down the stairs and hear the musical notes coming back down the scale. "Here you are, dear," says Yosemite. "Thank you, but, Sam," Bugs whines, "I wanted the red ones." He answers, "OK, dear, I'll be right back," and we again hear the staccato notes going up and coming back down the scale. He gives the bedroom shoes to Bugs who says, "Thank you, dear."

Moments later, Bugs says, "Sam?" "Yes, dear?" "Sam, could you get me a glass of water?" "Of course, dear." He goes to the kitchen, then brings back a glass of water. "Thanks, Sam, but I wanted fresh water, not tap water. Can you go down to the river?" For the first time, Sam has a small hint of the you've-got-to-be-kidding look on his face, but he answers, "Yes, dear." Again, you hear the progression of notes as he runs out the door, through the field, down the hill, to the river. And, again, the reverse music as he makes his way back. Now, out of breath, he hands the glass to Bugs who says, "Thank you, dear."

Finally -- because all things in a good cartoon happen in threes -- Bugs says, "Sam, would you get some ice for my glass of water?" Sam, still out of breath and beginning to wonder if these are the blissful days he had hoped for, says in a consoling voice, "But, dear, there's no ice in the freezer. You'll have to do without the ice." At that, Bugs starts sobbing, "Boo hoo hoo. Boo hoo hoo. I thought you loved me. Boo hoo hoo." Sam, in a panic at this sudden emotional outburst, and yet still desperately aiming to please his long-eared bride, says, "I'm sorry dear, I'll go get you some ice." Bugs instantly stops his fake crying and says, "Thank you, dear." At that, Sam dashes out the door, across the field, down the hill, across the river, and then we see a view of North America and a dashed line heading north to the North Pole. It cuts back to Sam who is chipping away at an iceberg with a pick axe. When he finally breaks a piece loose, he places it in a bag, and we see the dashed line head back south. Then Sam crosses the river, heads back up the hill, across the field, and in the front door where Bugs is still waiting on the sofa. Sam, now looking quite haggardly and exhausted from the extensive trek he set out on for the purpose of pleasing his bride, proudly says between gasps for air, "Dear, here is your ice," as he opens the bag only to pour out water. The ice had melted. At first, Sam's face shows complete disappointment and dejection. Then Bugs goes too far and says in his smart-elic voice, "I guess you'll just have to go back and try again, dear." At that, our friend Yosemite Sam loses it -- that is, he loses his mind. You see the "X"s in his eyes; he starts mumbling slowly, quietly before becoming louder into some kind of lunatic chant. He starts spinning in circles, and then runs out the door screaming with his hands in the air. We see him become smaller and smaller as he runs across the distant rolling hills. When he's out of sight, the scene cuts back to Bugs who is chewing on his trademark carrot and says, "Ain't I a stinker?"

Is there a moral to this story? I don't know. I'll just store this in the file marked "Completely Random".